Kane County Chronicle

WATCHMEN: Movie based on graphic novel could have used a true 'visionary'

Many talented filmmakers, including Terry Gilliam, took a crack at adapting Alan Moore’s complex graphic novel “Watchmen” since its publication more than 20 years ago.

All walked away, unsatisfied with the script treatments. They considered Moore’s bleak satire of superhero comics unfilmable.

Along comes the “visionary” (his publicist’s word, not mine) Zack Snyder to prove they were right.

Probably the biggest obstacle to adapting the graphic novel, which originally appeared as a 12-issue comic book series, is that it focuses on six superheroes, which means cramming six origin stories into the narrative. This accounts for “Watchmen’s” cumbersome running time of nearly three hours.

Still, even though this particular script – credited to David Hayter (who co-wrote the first two X-Men movies) and Alex Tse – is often leaden and ungainly, a truly visionary director such as Gilliam or Paul Greengrass might have whipped it into shape after another few drafts. Hayter and Tse do make an admirable stab at lending coherence to Moore’s bizarro twist ending. The film’s new, sushi-free climax doesn’t quite work, but it lands in the ballpark.

Unfortunately, the script went to Snyder, who rocketed to fanboy fame two years ago by adapting another dark, violent graphic novel: Frank Miller’s “300.” With Snyder, “visionary” means he’s all about the visuals, and he does mine “Watchmen” for impressive, computer-enhanced eye candy. But Snyder is tone deaf to stultifying dialogue and wooden performances. These defects are major reasons “Watchmen” is hard going over three hours, no matter how great it looks.

Snyder vowed to be faithful to Moore’s story, perhaps the most venerated comic book ever. Moore took his name off the film anyway. He does that automatically now, not wanting a thing to do with the film industry. Who can blame him, after Hollywood turned his “League of Extraordinary Gentlemen” into a joke shop item?

The comic’s illustrator, Dave Gibbons, happily collaborated with the filmmakers. Again, who can blame him? Snyder slavishly re-creates many of Gibbons’ original drawings, just as he did with Miller’s artwork in “300.” The only original visual ideas Snyder brings to both projects are scores of dismemberments and geysers of blood.

Such value-added violence at least made sense in the war picture “300,” but in “Watchmen” it pushes the material from disturbing to nauseating. Snyder includes a too-graphic depiction of John F. Kennedy’s assassination, later followed by the strange execution of former Chrysler chairman Lee Iacocca. This scene is not in the comic and makes you wonder what Iacocca did to the filmmakers to deserve such an ugly send-off.

“Watchmen” takes place in a dystopic 1985. Eight years after Congress has outlawed superheroes, someone is murdering former costumed vigilantes. The first to go is the Comedian (Jeffrey Dean Morgan), an ultra-violent right-wing true believer who ends his career as the U.S. government’s dirty ops specialist.

Rorschach (Jackie Earl Haley), a paranoid masked vigilante who refuses to retire, investigates the Comedian’s death. He warns a few of his old colleagues, the Batman-like Nite Owl (Patrick Wilson); Ozymandias (Matthew Goode), the world’s smartest man with the world’s silliest superhero name; the sexy Silk Spectre (Malin Akerman); and the Superman parody Dr. Manhattan (Billy Crudup).

Dr. Manhattan is very blue and very naked, and may well be remembered as the Dirk Diggler of superheroes. As the result of an atomic accident, Dr. Manhattan is the embodiment of the nuclear bomb. His very existence tips the balance of the Cold War superpowers. He is the reason the Unites States decisively wins the Vietnam War in 1971 and, consequently, the reason Richard Nixon is still president in 1985.

Moore’s intent was to upend our unquestioned idolatry of superheroes. The Comedian and Rorschach are extremist nutcases. Dr. Manhattan is so powerful he barely spares a thought to humanity. Nite Owl is pure-hearted but ineffectual. With his love of gore and sadism, Snyder gets the moral backward. Instead of condemning vigilantism, he celebrates it.

When Snyder is faithful to the comic, the movie plods. Not trusting his audience’s intelligence, he explains themes at a first-grade level. “If we lost here in Vietnam,” the Comedian says, “I think it would have driven us nuts as a country. But we won.” This kind of dialogue is even worse when delivered by Goode or Akerman, whose performances are so artificial Snyder should have replaced them with CGI characters.

With the popularity of superhero films over the last decade, Snyder and his team no doubt thought it was time for “Watchmen” to subvert this movie genre just as the original subverted comic books a generation ago. Too bad for them “The Dark Knight” already did the job so decisively – and with the real Batman, not a phony one.

"Watchmen"

Two stars
Rated R for strong graphic violence, sexuality, nudity and language
Running time: 2 hours, 43 minutes
Written by David Hayter and Alex Tse
Directed by Zack Snyder
Starring Billy Crudup, Jackie Earl Haley, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Patrick Wilson, Malin Akerman