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Backstage with Ron Onesti: Jerry Lewis remembers father at Arcada

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I knew I was risking being thrown out of this delicate yet powerful backstage experience, but I wanted to give it a shot. “Can I ask you about Dean,” I blurted. “It depends,” he said. “Get creative, I’m not interested in talking about the breakup.”

A few years ago on the MDA Telethon that Jerry was hosting, Frank Sinatra brought with him a surprise guest. It was Dean Martin. This was the first time they saw each other since they broke up more than 20 years earlier. “Did you know Dean was coming on the show?” I asked.

“There were over 700 people working on that show, and I was the only one who didn’t know,” he said.

“But didn’t you see him off to the side of the stage?” I questioned.

He continued, saying something to the effect of: “Yeah, I saw him. I didn’t give it a second thought because I saw him all the time. You know, the way people see Elvis flipping burgers. I saw him at the grocery store; I saw him in the car next to me sitting in traffic. You have to understand I loved this man. He was the smartest, most genuine and loving person I had ever met, the older brother I never had. I missed him dearly, but the time was never right for us to re-connect.”

When Dean walked on stage during the telethon, the two embraced like two old war buddies would have embraced. I saw Jerry whisper something into Dean’s ear. “Without being too personal, can I ask you what you said to him,” I reluctantly posed the question. He said, “I just told him I loved him and missed him, and Dean patted my back in agreement.”

“Did you stay in touch after that night?” I asked. “All the accounts say that we never spoke again, but the real story is that we did chat now and then. He wasn’t much of a conversationalist anyway,” Jerry said more or less. “But when Dean Paul died (Dean’s son who died in a plane crash) Dean really became reclusive. Ironically, we spoke more then.”


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