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Marmion's Manly Man: Catching ailments of the spring sort

Published: Thursday, March 20, 2014 5:30 a.m. CDT • Updated: Wednesday, April 9, 2014 2:21 p.m. CDT

I would like to officially welcome everybody to the new season of spring 2014. Here’s to a whole new cavalcade of Illinois-grade rainstorms, lighting storms, firestorms and fire-lighting storms. With great euphoria, I shall shed the old cabin fever of this perilous winter, while also moving onto other various sicknesses.

Beware – each spring brings with it a multitude of hidden snares to capture even the healthiest denizens emerging from their winter bunkers. I put all of these ailments into a collective bin called “the spring fevers.”

On top of the eclectic pile, one can spot the bright and spotless Spring-Cleaning-itis. Aggravating for all slobs, Spring-Cleaning-itis manages to infect a large amount of parental figures. One can spot this disease by one of the many following indicators: an irrational drive to re-situate all of the heavy household furniture, a massive increase in neighborhood garage sales and a trigger-happy finger when using the Febreze bottle.

Although frightening, Spring-Cleaning-itis only scratches the germ-infested surface. All across the nation’s schools, alarming bouts of Senioritis have begun to pop up in the hard working ranks of America’s dedicated upperclassmen. Also known as “Senior Sass Blast” and “laziness,” Senioritis causes a general lack of cognizance, respect and – most prominently – caring. Some worse cases even started at the beginning of the scholastic year.

For this next malady, I can talk firsthand of its terrible symptoms.

The springtime involves quite a number of formal affairs, such as proms, galas and balls. Usually, I maintain my unsociable barrier to protect against infections of this kind. However, a little while back, I caught Dance Fever at Marmion’s annual Military Ball.

Yes, I feel the boogie running through my veins, and it feels magnificent. On occasion, random spurts of DF cause me to move my arms and legs in a groovy and uncontrollable manner. Commonly confused with Saturday-Night Fever (the intense desire to throw glitter and wear bell-bottom pants), DF awareness has faltered in the past few years.

Sadly, DF does not only affect the ones exposed to the disease. Friends of sufferers may experience long sessions of embarrassment when at social events with loud music. For cases such as these, I recommend overcoming that nagging embarrassment and joining the friend; the only way to beat DF is to dance it out.

Spring has a way of reinvigorating the human experience in a profound manner. From watching the April rains coming down to the July sun rising up, opportunities abound to heave out the taxing memories of the past and create some new, better ones. 

Here’s a bit of advice for those reluctant to go out into the new world: sometimes, the only way to know how to live comes from going out and catching a little bit of sickness.

• Kurt Zepeda is a St. Charles resident and a senior at Marmion Academy in Aurora. He enjoys running, writing and the occasional confection. His column runs every other Thursday in the Kane County Chronicle. Contact him at editorial@kcchronicle.com.

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